The Petraeus Follies: Jill Kelley's InBox

The Petraeus Follies:  Jill Kelley’s InBox

To:  Jill Kelley

From: Abdelicious

Subject: Pix

Glad U liked the pix.  Waiting 4 U 2 lick the sweat from the 6-pak, LOL. BST, if U evR need anything, just let me no.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  SupahDave

Subject:  JW

KUPTGW.  Slammin vet charity event.  U R a genuine QT.   RUUP4IT?

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  KelleypaTROLL

Subject:  Handz OFF

U skanky hor, keep ur handz OFFA my man.  Heez got mre medals thn yrs, so deal witit beeaytch.  Im watchin U.

To: Jill Kelley

From: Abdelicious

Subject:  Email Threat?

U bet, thissis disturbing.  Lemme go 2 cyber-crimes.  And so U wont worry 2 much, more pix?  Call me sauna-iguana.  STM?  HHJK.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  KelleypaTROLL

Subject:  UR in 4 it

MayB U didn’t gettit.  HANDZ OFF!!!!!  & FEET.  I saw wat U did under the table.  SAMAGAL.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  John_in_Kabullshittistan

Subject:  Thinking of U

SETE.  YR SH.  SOMY?

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  John_in_Kabullshittistan

Subject:  SSDD

IRL, my job RSTBI.  IYSWIM.  Fun to think of U NIFOC.  MWBRL.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  SupahDave

Subject:  OL

Lotza pressure (SHID).  Wife and BOM.  Don’t need another CLM, but RU interested?

To:  Jill Kelley

From: KelleypaTROLL

Subject:  AYOR

AWGTHTGTTA?  I mean, really?  BIH.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  Abdelicious

Subject:  BM

What more do U want from me?  I’ve been UR DGA at J. Edgar’s.  DITYID?

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  South Korean Embassy, Faux-Consul Division

Subject:  Myun hu po gi ha da

Pale piece of pig’s ear:  Myun hu po gi ha da.  As in you are no longer an ‘honorary consul’ for the Republic of Korea.  Remove your license plate at once and give it back.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  NBC News, Florida Stringer Division

Subject:  Fat Chance

You’re not ‘inviolate,’  We can walk on your lawn and take all the pictures we want.  GNBLFY, but GMBO.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  Supah Dave

Subject:  GL

Sorry things are FUBAR.  HIH.

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  John_in_Kabullshittistan

Subject:  HIWTH

STBY!

To:  Jill Kelley

From:  Abdelicious

Subject:  SITWB

STFU!  I’m in enough trouble already, and you’re JASE.  HYLMS  (and I don’t even have a twin).

(Unlike the players in the Patraeus follies, I’m not under the delusion that I’m thirteen years old.  Thus I had to resort to internet acronym help.  Otherwise, HSIK?  Anyway, here’s a cheat sheet: http://www.safesurfingkids.com/chat_room_internet_acronyms.htm)